The Inherent Power of Family Stories
The most impactful stories often come from your family history
The Nature of Family Stories
Long before social media, and longer still before the invention of the printing press, family stories were being handed down from one generation to the next as a way to preserve ancestral memories and pass along the lessons learned through adversity, persecution, achievement and cooperation. It’s how we prepare the next in line.
Yet I’m frequently surprised by the insightful and inspirational family stories that people keep to themselves, assuming they’re not important, and not realizing that beyond preparation, family stories can serve to heal multi-generational wounds.
Such stories are not always the easiest to tell, as they’re often complex narratives, layered over decades and infused with painful experiences. But within that pain, revelation and determination reside. There is healing for the teller, and listener.
The Power of Storytelling
Tatiana Țîbuleac spoke at the 2019 edition of The Power of Storytelling conference in Bucharest, Hungary and took an audience on a personal journey which spanned three generations, sharing what she’d learned along the way, and talking about the learning (and healing) process that continues to the present day. A process without conclusion.
Tatiana Țîbuleac is a well-known author born in Chișinău whose novels have been widely acclaimed. When she was a teenager she didn’t have high self-esteem. She thought she was fat, ugly, annoying, shy and introverted. Because she was a quiet and sensitive child, she often wanted to be alone, reading in her room. That was the moment when she started to fall in love with literature and writing.
For those of you who have a desire to write and/or vocalize a chapter in your family’s odyssey, there is much to learn from Tatiana’s talk. She brings us into her world with an introduction to her grandmother who was “like a messenger from another world,
a better world.” Her grandmother was always making up stories for her, stories that were meant to prepare her for the ‘real’ story, The Story of a Needle.
My story is a wound that took three generations to heal.
That needle made the journey to Siberia with her grandparents, who were arrested, deemed to be enemies of the state. For some who made the journey with them, the gulag would become their final chapter, the last line of their story. Thankfully that wasn’t the fate of her grandparents. Throughout their years of imprisonment, that needle served many in community, celebrating birth and commemorating death.
It’s amazing how life can go on in a place designed for death.
Storytelling often takes time
Tatiana’s story transitions to her career as a journalist, from print to television, as an anchor, writer and editor. All the while, that story of a needle lay dormant. I’ve heard similar admissions from clients. It seems that sometimes family stories need time, a waiting for the right time, for a time of internal motivation, before they’re realized.
In the process Tatiana had to face questions about why she was resisting, and what had changed since childhood - was it her, or maybe the story? She wanted to tell a story that made justice, but she wasn’t ready for it, didn’t feel she was a just person.
I didn’t want to write a book like a gun. I wanted to write a book like a hug.
Within the process of self-discovery, of examining culture and self-identity, and by understanding the perspective that she wished to tell the story from, from a place where she’s not hiding anymore.
I realised when I was writing this book, that a family's wound, or a nation's wound, is not easy to heal, and it takes more than one generation. Because healing requires pain, and suffering, and struggling, but also forgiveness, and acceptance, and making peace with yourself.
Do you have an essential family story to share, one that transformed you in some way, one that you have carried around in your mental backpack for a long time? Is now the right (or necessary) moment to tell the story? If so, capture it now. Future generations will benefit from the wisdom handed down by the telling of your story.
I hope that you enjoyed this post. If so, please share your wisdom and insights below. And don’t forget to subscribe. You can also find me on LinkedIn and Twitter, or even drop me a line with any thoughts or questions you may have about storytelling.